The Red, White and Blue – a short history

11 02 2010

The Big Club

No one could ever accuse me of being long off the tee. Don’t look in my direction if you want someone who can bomb it 250 yards straight down the middle. If, on the other hand, you’re looking for a 190 yard, left to right, low slicy thing, then I’m your man. Obviously I try to stay away from the blue tees at Glacier Greens (or anywhere else for that matter) unless there’s absolutely no choice.

In the summer of 2001 I came up with a cunning plan: a three round invitational tournament, with the final 18 holes off the red tees. This was not an easy sell. Glacier Greens being a military course, there is even more of the usual macho posturing than you find at most golf clubs. However, by insisting that in the 21st century it is more correct to refer to ‘forward tees’ rather than ‘ladies tees’ and – the master stroke – that all prizes would be for net rather than gross scores, and no more than a double bogey to be posted for any hole, I managed to persuade a dozen friends to take part in a competition over the Labour Day weekend. As expected, el Bandito Juan voted against the idea on the grounds that he had virtually no chance of winning but the hackers were all in favour – for the very same reason.

It’s been going for nine years now and we’ve had eight different winners, including yours truly. The trophy – the Big Club – is so large and ugly that most years when it is returned it is covered in cobwebs, wives generally refusing to allow it anywhere in the house except the garage or the crawl space. Everyone brings – and wins – a prize, nominally worth $15 or so, but usually wrapped in such a way that you have no idea what you’ve won until you open it. Some prizes are really quite good; others are clearly destined to show up on the prize table again the following year.

Past winners include ‘Killer’ Ken Erikson, Martin ‘the Leak’  Davies, George ‘Hacker’ Warren, ‘Poetic’ John Keats, ‘Honest’ Vic Crisp, Lou ‘Show me the Monet’ Smith and, inexplicably, John ‘el Bandito’ Ringstead himself. I tried to annul John’s win, in 2006, on the grounds that it was setting a dangerous precedent to have a winner who was actually a more than competent golfer but the general feeling was that having to take the Big Club home to his lovely wife Jay was punishment enough.

By the way, about  half  the regulars in the Red, White and Blue are teachers or ex teachers which, as you can imagine, makes for an interesting clash of cultures with the predominantly military membership at Glacier Greens. We accuse them of being somewhat rigid and right wing in their world view; they consider us pinko liberals and, worse still, real tightwads. A few years ago Len, our tournament director, came up with the brilliant idea of groups or individuals at the club purchasing benches for each tee. I asked Len how much the benches were likely to cost.’$300′ came the reply. ‘That’s great, Len,’ I said.’ But where am I going to find another 299 teachers?’  That  story is still doing the rounds – and our bench has pride of place on the #8 tee, with a plaque inscribed ‘From the Red, White and Blue Crew’…

(To be continued)

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5 responses

11 02 2010
Martin

Yet another brilliant post from Bagger Dave! Lord knows…I am having sleepless nights wondering when the next post will be issued. Give me a hint Dave, to save the sleeplessness…will the posts come on a regular basis or will they be whenever the writing mode grabs you? That way I can plan my sleep.
I seriously think the next post should include a picture of “The Club”. How could you write about such a beautiful trophy without showing it to your readers?
Keep up the good work Bagger. I’m going back to bed.

11 02 2010
Bagger Dave

Many thanks, Martin, although I’m feeling bad about your insomnia. I was thinking about writing once a week or so, but with the weather as bad as it is I’ve just found myself in front of the computer most days rather than facing a four foot putt at Glacier Greens. There’s a connection: I don’t feel entirely confident in either situation. I’ll confer with Ben, my I.T. guru, and see if a picture of the Big Club is a possibility.

All da best.

Dave

12 02 2010
Martin

Ok Dave, I was looking at your post to me, and forgot to look at your main site. Now I have seen the pics added to your post. Looks great.
Best wishes,
Martin

16 02 2010
Bandito Juan

Hola Amigos, At last the truth is told about the red, white and blue 2006 scandal. For those of you who are golf purists and pining for the red, white and blue (RWB) to be a reflection of the all the hard work you put in on the driving range and putting green- ok, this tack is clearly not going to work- for those of you who clean your golf clubs on a regular basis- and demand the red, white and blue be a reflection of your cleaning skills, I urge you to attend the next executive meeting of the RWB rules committee (assuming Dave hasn’t already held the meeting in camera)

Juan

16 02 2010
Bagger Dave

Thanks for bringing up the RWB scandal of 2006. I think we are all agreed that your victory was indeed the low point in the tournament’s history thus far. As far as your comments on practice are concerned: seriously, John – do we look like people who practise? I am confident that the next executive committee meeting will confirm the wisdom of the present net-scores-only policy as well as banning your dodgy grooves. Anyone who consistently imparts backspin on the ball is clearly breaking some rule or other…

All da best.

Dave

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