Legal notice

26 04 2010

On the advice of my lawyers ( Sue, Grabbit and Run) I wish to make it perfectly clear that a derogatory comment about ‘my mate Peter’  in last week’s blog was a reference to a totally fictitious character. It should in no way be construed that I was referring  to Mr Peter Dobbs of  Powerhouse Road, Courtenay whose character is, of course, as pure as the driven snow. It would be outrageous to suggest that Mr Dobbs would ever seek financial gain by using his physical or mental infirmity in order to receive a higher handicap than he is entitled to. Clearly Mr Dobbs misunderstood the concept of  a ‘handicap’ as it applies to the game of golf. Nor should there be any doubt that  his habit of occasionally breaking  wind while a fellow competitor is in the middle of his backswing is completely involuntary and the fact that the French verb ‘péter’ means ‘to fart’ is merely an unfortunate coincidence. Finally, may I say that I yield to no man in my admiration of Mr Dobbs for continuing to persevere with a game for which he has no talent whatsoever.

Once again, in abject apology for any misunderstanding,

Bagger Dave

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4 responses

26 04 2010
mdaviesret

Beautiful! I absolutely thought your comments WERE about Mr. Dobbs and they were totally justified.
Martin

26 04 2010
Bagger Dave

Obviously, Martin, in these litigious times there can be no question of me referring to Mr Dobbs in anything other than the most glowing of terms.

Bagger

27 04 2010
Glen Livet

‘ Oh to live in times when one has to be looking over one’s shoulder every time one purges himself.’
One notices that ‘the bagger’ is treading on very dangerous ground as he seeks advice of three lawyers. (Dick, Head
and Wanker). You cannot hide behind the apron strings of lawyers for protection any longer. Let World War 3
commence. This writer will, in the following, come out and ‘tell it like it is!’ on behalf of all of those who he thought
were his mates.

This writer has recently learned, through the tabloids, that ‘the bagger’ has recently sought professional advice and
has been found to be suffering from a severe inferiority complex. Why would he or anyone of sound mind play
against a person of such superior mental and physical ability such as this writer, and cry wolf when he loses?. Anyone
of sound mind would do the same thing as ‘The Dobbs’ did, especially if it includes screwing Brooker.
All his opponents, (who he thinks are friends or mates as he calls them), are out to beat him as often as they can. The difference is, Bagger, we never have and never will sink to your level. So you, who play golf about three times per week, derive
pleasure by trying to beat someone who plays three times per year! The gauntlet is down. Unlike your cohort in crime
Martin ‘Capone’ Davies, who I have seen run away from the opposition especially on the rugby field, you can run but
you cannot hide.
Now as for your problem with your putting stroke, let me analyse. Hmmm, you choose to make a stroke in the middle of a person’s
most natural bodily function. May you, with a little more experience, be able to time your bodily functions so
perfectly should you decide take on that challenge. One should never ever show an opponent his weakness.
In your tirade you never mention who came out on top in our last golf game. Would I lower myself to play against you
in the future for financial gain? Of course I would, we all would, but you won’t be playing for my money, you
will be playing for yours. It will be a pleasure to rip the money out of your wallet via your testicles, AGAIN. You are
buggered, bagger brooker. You are going down just like Southampton. Hark hark, do you hear a wolf crying again and again?
Remember, History hides many secrets.

p.s. That is the last time I ever give you my cooking recipes so you can impress your ever suffering wife with your
cooking just to score brownie points.

27 04 2010
Bagger Dave

Well, Mr Livet, I’m sorry that I’ve obviously hit a nerve by mentioning your lack of etiquette on the golf course. It is true that I play a lot of golf, in an attempt to master a very difficult game. Your route to success involves handicap juggling and behaviour of the basest kind, including vile accusations of cowardice against the Welsh wizard himself, Mr. Martin Davies.

I hereby challenge you to a winner-takes-all match at a course and time of your choosing. My handicap is 10 and I shall bring my handicap certificate with me. I trust you will be able to do the same.

Thank you for the cooking recipes – much needed, as my cookery handicap is about a 36.

All da best,

Bagger

(P.S. ‘Live and let Livet’ should be our motto.)

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