Fizzum and the Great Robinski* – RWB 2012

3 09 2012

Robin poses with the Big Club while in the background Adrian delves into his gift wrapped $15 prize. What horror has Vic Crisp come up with this year? Surely not the infamous gold lamé underpants again? Only Moira will know for sure…

The 12th annual Red, White and Blue tournament is in the books and we have another first time winner. Step forward Mr Robin Houlgrave, aka the Great Robinski, who destroyed the field on Saturday with a ridiculously low net 62 in the first round to lead by seven shots and then clung on during a sphincter-tightening stretch over the last few holes in round 3. “And how did Robin fare in round 2?”, I hear you ask. Well, thereby hangs a tale: the asterisk after Robin’s name in the title – check now, if you weren’t paying attention earlier – is to signify the fact that the RWB has, for the first time, a winner who only played two of the three designated rounds. “But how could this be allowed to happen?”, I hear you ask again. All but one of the 16 competitors were gathered around the first tee on Sunday morning, psyching themselves up to do battle with the daunting Blue/White tee combo at Glacier Greens, when the news came in from the pro shop that Robin would not be playing Round 2 due to “a family problem”, but he’d try to make it for round 3. Obviously everybody was sympathetic, until someone pointed out that if he was going to be there in the afternoon it couldn’t exactly be an emergency. At this point there was a bit of muttering concerning Robin’s motives: could it be that he was deliberately trying to throw the tournament and thus avoid having the Big Club on display in the family room for the next 12 months? Some were shocked at the very idea, a couple of past winners wished they’d thought of the same strategy but absolutely no-one thought that such a scheme was that far fetched. Bruce felt Robin should be named the winner there and then, no questions asked, but an unusual spirit of generosity prevailed and it was decided that Robin should be given the average score of the rest of the field for round 2. A net 75 was the result – thus retaining the overall lead – and the rest, despite a pretty blatant attempt by Robinski to get himself DQ’d in round 3 by playing the wrong ball on the 13th fairway, is history.

On the right – Adrian (2nd place in the tournament and big winner in the skins game); on the left – Bud (Not even close. In either).

Bagger Dave (who placed 3rd) and Li’l Stevie Ellis (also 3rd. Unfortunately, 3rd from last).

4th place finisher Wayne Mabee alongside Al Pasanen. Wayne shot a net 60 off the red tees. Sandbagging? It’s what the RWB is all about. Al shot over 100 (gross) in each of the first two rounds. That’s also what the RWB is all about.

Rod Cobham, who finished 5th, deep in conversation with Mike Worley. Or should that be ‘shallow in conversation’? Mike finished outside the top ten yet again. Smart man, that Mike. Never any chance of the Big Club ending up on HIS mantel.

On the right, 2010 winner Sir Stanley Mills. On the left, many time loser Dave Buckley-Jones. (Ouch). Also featured, in an unsuccessful attempt to at least win the hide and go seek competition, Bruce Coulter.

Bill O’Neill and Vic Crisp. Neither were really in the running for the trophy (which was exactly as they planned it), but they did win dinner off Bud and Bruce in a 3rd round side bet.

Liz Stirrett and Dave Wacowich, who played all three rounds together and were STILL on speaking terms at the end of the weekend. Probably a tournament record.

It is fitting that the final word should go to Liz. After all, some misgivings were expressed about having a woman play in the Red, White and Blue (yes, Bud – don’t even attempt to deny it), but in the year that women were finally accepted as members of Augusta National it seemed only right and proper for the RWB to do the same. Liz may not be a multi millionairess like the two ladies down in Georgia, but she certainly enriched the competition. She declared Bill O’Neill ‘a perfect gentleman’ (Billy’s still blushing) and also enriched my vocabulary: in round 2, her hubby Dave, Rod and myself were all lying two on the 7th green, with shortish putts for par, when Liz blasted her first putt some way past the hole. She muttered something I didn’t quite catch, but which sounded like ‘fizzum’. After she’d putted out, I asked her what she’d said, thinking it was some Canadianism that I hadn’t learnt yet. ‘Oh. Don’t you know that one, Dave? It’s actually FISM – and it stands for “Fuck. It’s Still Me”.

Welcome to the Red, White and Blue, Liz, and thanks for the language lesson!

All da best.

Dave B.

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14 responses

3 09 2012
Martin

Great account, great pics and obviously greatly enjoyed by all. Good on yer Bagger for this one.

3 09 2012
Bagger Dave

Thank you, Martin. I know you’ll be pleased that Robin has joined the winners circle this year. He’s paid his dues. Can it really be 11 years since you hoisted the trophy?

3 09 2012
john ringstead

Dave,
Let me know when gross scores count for anything more than the figure one subtracts an enormous number of shots and I’ll fly up island.
Ringstead the Wise (co-winner of the RWB in 2006 and the golfing artiste formerly known as Bandito Juan).

Remember: if you don’t break 80 – buy new clubs from Honest John.

3 09 2012
Bagger Dave

Not going to happen this century, John. Actually, I expect the other majors will soon move towards net scores.

Best of luck with the move and your new golf club. Is the Cowichan logo still a swarm of mosquitos?

DB

4 09 2012
Rick Verbeek

Bagger , you have got to have a picture of the winner with this trophy for later blackmail purposes .
Rick V.

4 09 2012
Bagger Dave

Absolutely, Beeker! And I expect the full weight of the handicapping committee to come down on Robin so I can win coffee from him next week.

4 09 2012
VC

Congrats Dave on another well organised RWB. Well done to ROBIN.
My wife was overjoyed that I did NOT bring the “Trophy” back with me.
Golf praise at last. !!!!! I just loved my prize. Her indoors thought it was super too. What a nice way to end a magic RWB weekend.
PS thanks to B & B for our supper.
PPS I hope Bud’s wife liked the golfing doll.
VC
A Happy Golf trophy loser.

4 09 2012
Bagger Dave

I’m happy that Mrs. Crisp is happy and happy that Robin won the trophy.

Just remember, Vic, that next year you go back to your proper handicap, so you may not be rid of the Big Club yet…

D.

5 09 2012
VC

OH YES I AM, OR AS SPOKEN DIVORCE IS IN THE MAKING. HA HA.

I WILL HOPE MY PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED.

VC

5 09 2012
Bagger Dave

I’m disappointed that you take your marriage more seriously than the RWB, Victor, but I suppose we all have different priorities in life…

8 09 2012
robinsky

I have participated in the RWB tournament for several years now. I have always admired the winners and prayed every night that someday I too would be blessed enough to appear in the winners circle. At the conclusion of Saturday’s round, after playing well over my head, thoughts of finally realizing my lifelong dream to wear the green jacket crept into my head. Alas, it was not to be as I was unable to play in the second round. My heart was broken, my dreams were dashed. But then….a miracle happened, I arrived at the clubhouse at noon on Sunday, to beg for an opportunity to play the last match as a disqualified participant, only to find that I had been unanimously voted in to continue with play. My joy was tempered only by the somewhat overenthusiastic cheering of some of the other participants. I overheard some people mumbling things like ” thank god he’s back, I don’t want that f’ing thing in my living room again. Vic Crisp almost hugged me and confided in me that the trophy was already mine, even though I had only played one game so far. HMMMMMMMM. I noticed during the third and final round that Stan Mills was rather overexuberantly cheering me on at every hole. I soon became suspicious that my lifelong dream of becoming the RWB champion would be a hollow victory.
Finally, with the match over and everyone at the well stocked prize table , I discovered that as a winner I got to choose my gift last. Thanks to Rod Cobham I received an elastic band to help me with my swing and a package of pink tees. And to think I gave up a sleeve of PROV-1s for that. There was no money for the win, just this godawful trophy and a bunch of guffaws from the crowd. Tired, I took my trophy and slithered on home where I knew my wife would greet me like a champion…….” Christ , look at that thing. You’re just a loser”.
Say what you will. I slept well that night, a winner at last. Me and my beautiful trophy.

9 09 2012
Bagger Dave

That is such a moving account, Robin. Truly, you are Number One in all our hearts! I know that, secretly, Sandy must be very proud of her husband: winner of the Las Vegas Invitational, the Celtic Challenge and now the Red, White and Blue.

9 09 2012
VC

Hi Robin, You are a HERO in my book. Good luck on retaining such an awesome trophy and the again winner of the ever famous tournament.
Long live the RWB.
PS God bless the wife too.

9 09 2012
Bagger Dave

Well said, Victor. And remind me to make sure Robin gets dinged three shots before start of play next year.

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