Bravehart – RWB 2023

Left to right: Richard, Gord, Ed, Barry, Proper Dave, Phil, Tim, Brent, Bruce, Danny, Other Dave, Rob, Dan and Paul

It was a fine body of men that took to the links for the 23rd edition of the annual Red, White and Blue tournament at Glacier Greens today. I say ‘a fine body of men’, but they were greeted with an announcement from Other Dave that the first round net scores yesterday were “collectively the worst in the history of the tournament” – and that’s saying something. Half the field had scored 80 or worse – and we’re talking net scores here, remember – and not one person had managed a net par.

Last year’s winner Danny B was presented with a tasteful golden ball on the first tee. It lasted two holes before disappearing, never to be seen again. Apparently Danny’s game also disappeared on the front nine but magically returned once it was clear there was no danger of him retaining the title. Danny may also have been the recipient of this year’s most interesting wrapped gift. It seemed to be a scanty red thong, although to be fair I was at the far end of the table and my eyes may have been deceiving me. Joanie was alongside him though (to ensure he didn’t return home with the Big Club) and she seemed pretty pleased. Donor: unknown (to me anyway).

To be fair, everybody struggled from the blue tees on the front nine. Our guest player, Barry Ringsomething, as the pro shop announcer referred to him when he stepped onto the first tee, had the rest of his group wondering if he’d ever actually been on a proper golf course before as he hacked his way round the front nine, but then he got three birdies on the back nine and travelled back down island with most of our snips money in his pocket.

Most of the field managed to get back to the clubhouse without permanent damage to their psyche, but there was a great battle in the final group for golfing supremacy. Bruce Coulter played steadily and took 3rd place ahead of Other Dave while Dan Belcher fought all the way to the 18th green to finish with a net 69 and second place, but Brent Hart held his nerve with a brave shot over the water at the final hole to secure the win. (Bravehart, geddit?)

Many congratulations to Brent for his well-deserved victory, thanks to Bruce for taking care of the mystery of the snips, Gord for the photos and Proper Dave for collecting all the toonies to take care of the engraving costs. It was – as it always is – a fun weekend and I hope everyone will be back again next year to see how Brent manages to get rid of the Big Club.

Talking of which…here he is, together with his dodgy knee and one of the most sought after trophies in world golf:

Cheers to all!

Dave B.

Here are some random stats about the Red, White and Blue tournament:

First contested: 2001 (2001- 2015 54 holes). In 2016 Joe Dunham pointed out that we were too old to play two rounds in a day and it’s been 36 holes ever since: 18 off the white tees on the Saturday, the front 9 off the blues on the Sunday and the back nine from the reds).

Smallest field: 6 (2018 – if you’d seen the weather you’d know why)

Lowest handicap winner: Stan Mills (7 hcp) 2013

Highest handicap winner: Ed Hayes (36 hcp) 2017

Largest margin of victory: 13 shots (Phil Ball 2020)

Amount of fun had each year: Unlimited

The Hardy Boys (RWB 2021)

Well, after the downpour on Saturday, foolhardy would probably be a more accurate description. There may have been about 40 players who started the Glacier Greens Men’s Club event yesterday, but after a couple of hours of relentless drizzle (and this after the longest recorded drought in BC history) every time I turned round somebody else was trudging back to the clubhouse, head bowed, soaked from top to toe. But not the fifteen brave souls who were also entered for the 2021 edition of the Red, White and Blue. Fifteen started and fifteen finished. Admittedly the scores were nothing to write home about, and poor Rob Moore had to withdraw after the round, citing a shoulder injury which has sadly led to ‘an indefinite leave from golf’, but the rest of us were greeted with blue skies and warm weather when we arrived at the course this morning.

Well, nearly all of us. Somehow Bobby had got distracted by a thing called Tinder or Grinder or something similar, which apparently was proving a more attractive proposition than spending quality time with his golfing buddies. I’m sure the details will come to light over the next few days.

So that left us with thirteen players, all anxious to survive the first nine holes playing the blue tees and then to make hay off the easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy red tees on the back nine. Well, as Rabbie Burns put it, “the best laid plans of mice and men gang oft agley.” Or something like that.

Here below are the Hardy Boys of 2021:

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  Brent, Keith, Brian and Gord in nicely matching attire

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  Danny, Bruce and Dave in appropriate red, white and blue

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  Ed (unsuccessfully camouflaging himself), Paul and Darrel

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  Other Dave, Tim (rejecting any form of camouflage) and last year’s winner Phil

As the reigning champion, Phil was asked to tee off first in front of his fellow competitors. Any question of him retaining the trophy was clearly answered when he duck-hooked his ball (marked ‘ex-champ’) into the cypress tree some fifty yards ahead, never to be seen again. (The ball, that is, not Phil.)

And so things followed their predictable course for the next three and a half hours or so. Gord followed up his excellent Saturday net score of 70 with a net 73 on Sunday for a total of 143 and a four stroke victory over Paul, who claimed second place over Keith by virtue of a countback system which was, as usual, made up on the spot by the organiser at the post-round patio prize party (nice alliteration, eh?)

Just outside the medals were Danny, Other Dave, Ed, Real Dave, Brian, Brent, Darrel, Phil, Bruce and Tim. It was great to see the traditional unwrapping of prizes again this year, along with the looks on people’s faces as they opened their gifts. It could be that Danny had the most er, interesting gifts this year. (Note to all: keep a close eye on Bruce when he arrives at the patio table next year, wrapped gift in hand).

So the 21st annual RWB is in the books, with a proud first time winner:

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  Many congrats, Gord: RWB champion 2021

Looking forward to seeing you all again next year.

All da best!

Dave B.

RWB 2019 – who paid the Bill?

Mr. William O’Neill, proud winner of the 2019 RWB, and last year’s winner, Dave Brooker. They have two things in common: bad golf swings and they’re both quite a bit shorter than the Big Club.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

After round one of the 2019 Red White and Blue tournament the 14 man field could be split into four groups: the main contenders – Bobby Johnson (net 64), Keith Allan and Dave Brooker (both on 66); the outsiders – Murray Polson (69), Ed Hayes (70), Brian Goodwin and Rod Gray (both 71); the longshots – Phil Ball, Bill Village and some other Bill were all on 73, Bruce Coulter, Dave Buckley-Jones and newcomer Danny Branchflower were all in the mid 70’s. And Tim Hautzinger, who was in a field of his own (probably a golf course of his own, actually) with a net score north of 80.

After last year’s monsoon conditions the players were all happy to be greeted by blue skies, warm temperatures and a light breeze this time around. Phil Ball grumbled a bit about the early start time (7.57 for the first group), Dave Buckley-Jones extracted $2 from each player for ‘plaque engraving costs’ (so he said) and Bruce Coulter confused everyone with the ball toss and insistence that everyone stumped up $4.50 for the skins game. Bobby Johnson politely asked about the rules and Bruce launched into a tirade about people not listening. After a couple of years off it’s great to have Brucie back at the RWB!

Once we got under way things went pretty smoothly. Balls were topped, sliced and lost, short putts were given along with suggestions about game improvement. In our group, at least, playing off the blue tees on the front nine proved somewhat challenging. Dave Buckley-Jones and I consoled each other by counting down how many holes we had left to endure before we would seize the course by the throat once we reached the sanctuary of the red tees on the back nine. Only, of course, the back nine proved no easier.

I’ll draw a veil over the exact scores of those of us who finished in the lower placings – suffice it to say we weren’t at our best – and focus instead on the top five:

In fifth place, with a total net score of 136 and a stellar 2nd round 63, was Phil Ball. Fourth, on 135, was Murray Polson. Bobby Johnson finished on 134 to finish 3rd, beaten on a count back by Keith Allan. (I promise to explain the count back system one day. It’s somewhat complicated and changes every year.)

This left Bill O’Neill as the clear winner with a total of 131 and a second round net score of, ahem, 58. I’ve known Bill for years and a more honest man never walked the earth, but 58??? I have taken the unilateral decision to ding Bill three strokes per round next year instead of the usual two. This will, I’m sure, be a popular decision – not least with Bill himself. And what did the man have to say about his victory?

“Well, someone has to win the effing thing. I guess this year it was my turn.”

Well said, Bill, well said.

The 2019 contenders wait anxiously for the prize giving. Some think Bobby J’s troll wine bottle holder was the best while others looked enviously at Dave B-J’s zombie cookie jar. Happy with their snip winnings were Ed Hayes, Murray Polson and, yes, the inevitable Bill O’Neill…

All da best (and looking forward to next year, the 21st edition of the RWB).

Dave B.

(The answer to the question “Who paid the Bill?” is, of course, “all of us”.)

I coulda been a contender – RWB 2015

Golfing God (and all-round good guy), Mr Chuck Kennedy

Well, the 16th annual Red, White and Blue tournament is done and dusted and we have a winner who basically lapped the field. Step forward Chuck Kennedy, whose 74 off the blue tees on Saturday (that’s a gross 74, mind you, net 65) gave him an eight shot lead over the rest of the field. By the time he’d shot a net 68 off the whites on Sunday morning his lead was up to 14 and the tournament was, to all intents and purposes, over.

Now Chuck is a quiet and modest man and no amount of cajolery (now there’s a word you don’t see every day) on my part could get him to say anything remotely boastful at the prize giving ceremony, so I will leave you instead with the reasons given by the rest of us as to why things didn’t quite go as planned this year:

“I hurt my back” – Brian Goodwin (withdrew the day before). Plausibility score: 5/10

“I hurt my back too” – Dave Buckley-Jones (withdrew in parking lot Sunday a.m.): 6/10

“I’ve only played twice this year” – Bruce Coulter (12th place): 9/10

“I had enough grief from Moira for winning last year” – Adrian Haut (11th): 8/10

“I only found out I was playing ten minutes before we started” – Elmo Guinan (10th): 6/10

“I had to play 36 holes with Bud on Sunday” – Dave Brooker (9th): (2/10)

“I had to play 36 holes with Bud AND Dave on Sunday” – Keith Allan (8th): (10/10)

“I had to watch Dave’s swing and it totally put me off my game” – Stan Mills (7th): (7/10)

“I’ve never played in the RWB before and nobody explained the rules” – Murray Polson (6th): (3/10)

“I went to the party of the century on Saturday night and got REALLY wasted” – Steve Ellis (5th): (7/10)

“I had to play with Dave. And I’m too old for this sh!t anyway” – Bud Bryan (4th): (5/10)

“I was in charge of the weather AND taking photos, so I couldn’t concentrate properly” – Dan Fitzgerald (3rd): (6/10)

“No excuses. The best man clearly won” – Bill O’Neill (2nd): (0/10)

Bill O’Neill raises a metaphorical glass to this year’s winner. Either that or he’s having a rest – 36 holes makes for a l-o-n-g day.

And, finally, from the man himself:

“If I’d have known I had to take the Big Club home AND pay half the engraving costs I’d have thrown away 10 shots in the last round” – ‘Champion Chuck’ Kennedy

Er, you’d STILL have won, Chuck…

Thanks to all for taking part. Wonderful prizes, as per usual. Personally, I can’t wait to try out my plastic back yard driving range golf game (for ages 3 and up).

We’ll try it all again next Labour Day weekend.

Dave B.