Here we go again…

Less than a week ago I posted a blog about me making four birdies in five holes, an achievement so off the charts for someone of my limited golfing skill that I’m sure my attempt to sound modest about it was a dismal failure.

So how do I go about describing today’s events? By the time we reach the fourth tee box my playing partners, Young B and Billy V, have probably already had enough of me. “Hey guys, I’ve hit every fairway and every green in regulation and I’m level par. Whee!” Ignoring the fact that they’re playing from the white tees and I’m playing off the greens and being used to me providing endless (unsolicited) running commentary, they go ahead and play their tee shots and then walk up another 25 yards to where I’m hitting from. A mere 106 yards to the flag, but a water hazard on the left and trees on the right. Let’s be sure I don’t go anywhere near the water…

Oops. I pull it slightly, but at least it clears the pond. (It should do – I’m playing an 8 iron – but you always add an extra club playing over water, right?) Lands on the green, takes a bit of a hop to the right and bingo! One more bounce and straight into the hole for an ace! As Billy V says whenever I hit a lucky shot: “You can’t teach that sh!t.”

I actually managed to keep things together for the rest of the round, ending with a 75, but of course it’s the hole in one that will be remembered. Oddly, tomorrow it will be three years to the day since I scored my last hole in one – I guess January must be my lucky month.

Also odd but true: my ace was not the best shot played by our group today. Back on the first hole Young B had pulled his approach shot into thick rough in the trees between the first green and the second tee box. He had absolutely nothing. Even hitting the green would have been little short of miraculous. Somehow, with an abbreviated back swing, he got the ball out of the rough and between the branches of the alder directly in front of him. It hit the steep slope guarding the green, bounced up and then rolled 30 feet or so in a graceful arc before nestling up against the flag stick and dropping into the cup. A true stroke of genius!

So yes, of course my hole in one was memorable – but there’s no doubt in my mind as to what was shot of the day, and it wasn’t mine.

All da best!

Dave B.

Oh Danny Boy! (RWB 2022)

We had a full field for the 2022 edition of the Red, White and Blue. This was taken prior to Sunday’s round (front nine from the blue tees, back nine from the red). Danny Branchflower (blue top, pink shorts) had a five shot lead after Saturday’s round from the white tees – but would it hold up?

The first group off on Sunday were Ed, Dave, Bruce and newcomer Ernie. They all played better than they had on Saturday (Bruce moved all the way up to tie for 2nd place), but not well enough to trouble the leader.

Next off were Bill, Brian, Brad and Robin. Robin shot an impressive net 69 to finish in a tie for second place. (Poor Brad had to spend the best part of four hours in the company of three ex-teachers. He never complained, but it probably felt like a Sunday morning detention.)

The penultimate group on Sunday consisted of myself, Brent, Paul and Richard. Brent and Richard showed occasional signs of golfing skill and picked up a dollar or two in Bruce’s skins game. Paul and I were truly awful.

Despite not breaking 90, I did manage to start and finish with the same ball – a black one, in honour of HM Queen Elizabeth, who died on Thursday. Richard looks on, suitably solemn. I completely forget that I’m supposed to look grief-stricken.

The leading group from Saturday went off last. Phil, Tim, Danny and Gord. Try as they might, past winners Phil and Gord and future winner Tim could not match Danny’s prowess, who ended up a staggering 11 shots ahead of the field!

I believe Danny’s face says it all, as the realization sinks in that the Big Club will be on display at the Branchflower residence for the next twelve months.

Many congrats, Danny, and thanks to Gord for taking the piccies, Dave for making sure everyone handed over their $2 to pay for engraving (and spotting the pitiful attempt by yours truly to pay with Cuban pesos), Bruce for organizing the snips pot and everyone for coming out to take part in the 22nd annual Red, White and Blue tournament. It was, as always, a pleasure and you’re all invited back next year to see how Danny can relinquish the trophy.

All da best!

Dave B.

The Streak (lightning strikes twice)

The 11th fairway at Glacier Greens yesterday with the Comox Glacier in the background.

April 15th 2022

Quite a sight, isn’t it? Especially when you’ve just shot 37 on the front nine, breaking 40 for the first time since, well, forever. So it would be fair to say that I was feeling pretty darn pleased with myself as I stood on the 11th tee today. And unlike most of my golfing stories there was no sting in the tail: I finished my round with not a single double on the card and a final score of 78. Stunning stuff!

Naturally, as soon as I got home I emailed all my golfing buddies (even those I’d been playing with) to tell them about this prodigious feat. In my email I compared myself to Bill Village, undisputed best golfer in our group, who recently had a streak of over twenty successive sub-80 rounds. Bill is by nature a talented and modest golfer (so quite annoying really) and has never made a fuss about his prowess on the links.

I like to think of myself as a modest person too, although I’m afraid that my fellow golfers might describe me the same way as Winston Churchill did Clement Attlee (his successor as British Prime Minister): “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.”

Twenty four hours later:

Well, this is not what I expected to be writing at all.

After my golfing buddies had had their say about my round yesterday (equal parts praise, leg-pulling and astonishment) I was ready for a more accurate and realistic reflection of my golfing skills today. As it turned out I got off to an even worse start than I could have imagined! My tee shot on our first hole, the par 3 17th, barely got past the Ladies’ tee box; my second shot went another 30 yards or so and it was with some relief that I bumbled my third shot onto the green and two putted for an ugly double bogey 5.

Things settled down a bit after that and, with the aid of some admittedly fortuitous bounces and some stellar putting, I made a succession of pars and bogeys. I tried not to think about my score (which was hard, seeing as I had the scorecard for our foursome), but just over four hours later when the dust had settled I signed for a 77! So after going eight months (and 92 rounds – yep, I play a lot of golf) without breaking 80 I’d now managed it twice in a row.

As I say, I really expected to be writing a post about how awfully I played today but sometimes the Golf Gods cut you a bit of slack. I’d like to thank them for that and promise in advance that I shall accept with good grace whatever twists of fate they offer me next time out. In the mean time, two in a row counts as a streak, doesn’t it?

All da best!

(Dave B, temporarily skilful practitioner of golf)

How come they get all the luck?

I’ve nothing against professional golfers. In fact I love watching them in action on TV, especially the DP World Tour (until recently known as the European Tour). It’s just that they’re so good – their names being on their bags and all – that it seems to me that sometimes they get lucky bounces that they really don’t need. In a fairer world these bounces would surely go to someone who needs them, like me for example.

Anyway, here are some of the best examples from 2021, along with some great commentary:

I could definitely do with a few of those ‘strokes of fortune’. To be honest though, anyone who plays with me regularly (Berto, Billy V, Binski, Gordo, Paulo, Kiefer, Bobby J et al) will testify to the fact that I actually make more than my fair share of fortuitous shots. Just as well too, because without them I’m pretty sure I’d be north of ninety just about every time I play.

Billy V has a favourite saying which he uses whenever one of my tee shots ricochets off a tree and onto the fairway, or a skulled chip hits the flagstick and drops in the hole: “Davey – you can’t teach that sh*t!” This would be a somewhat crude and overly generous assessment of my golfing ability, but I thank him for it all the same. Even so, Rory and the rest of you tour guys: get ’em fair and leave the lucky shots to those of us who need them most!

All da best.

Dave B.

Not another one…

Seriously?

Yep. Proving once again that good fortune can overcome basic lack of talent, I managed my sixth hole in one today. Playing at my home course, Glacier Greens, with my good friends Bud Bryan, Joe Dunham and Bill Village, I aced the 17th hole with my trusty six iron. From the green tees we estimated it to be a shot of about 127 yards (i.e. a sand wedge for a pro).

Those who play with me regularly will not be surprised to learn that it was the only green I hit in regulation on the back nine, nor that I’d already had a fluky chip in for par on the Par 3 12th hole.

‘Sometimes you have to be good to be lucky’, or whatever the saying is…

All da best!

Dave B.

RWB 2019 – who paid the Bill?

Mr. William O’Neill, proud winner of the 2019 RWB, and last year’s winner, Dave Brooker. They have two things in common: bad golf swings and they’re both quite a bit shorter than the Big Club.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

After round one of the 2019 Red White and Blue tournament the 14 man field could be split into four groups: the main contenders – Bobby Johnson (net 64), Keith Allan and Dave Brooker (both on 66); the outsiders – Murray Polson (69), Ed Hayes (70), Brian Goodwin and Rod Gray (both 71); the longshots – Phil Ball, Bill Village and some other Bill were all on 73, Bruce Coulter, Dave Buckley-Jones and newcomer Danny Branchflower were all in the mid 70’s. And Tim Hautzinger, who was in a field of his own (probably a golf course of his own, actually) with a net score north of 80.

After last year’s monsoon conditions the players were all happy to be greeted by blue skies, warm temperatures and a light breeze this time around. Phil Ball grumbled a bit about the early start time (7.57 for the first group), Dave Buckley-Jones extracted $2 from each player for ‘plaque engraving costs’ (so he said) and Bruce Coulter confused everyone with the ball toss and insistence that everyone stumped up $4.50 for the skins game. Bobby Johnson politely asked about the rules and Bruce launched into a tirade about people not listening. After a couple of years off it’s great to have Brucie back at the RWB!

Once we got under way things went pretty smoothly. Balls were topped, sliced and lost, short putts were given along with suggestions about game improvement. In our group, at least, playing off the blue tees on the front nine proved somewhat challenging. Dave Buckley-Jones and I consoled each other by counting down how many holes we had left to endure before we would seize the course by the throat once we reached the sanctuary of the red tees on the back nine. Only, of course, the back nine proved no easier.

I’ll draw a veil over the exact scores of those of us who finished in the lower placings – suffice it to say we weren’t at our best – and focus instead on the top five:

In fifth place, with a total net score of 136 and a stellar 2nd round 63, was Phil Ball. Fourth, on 135, was Murray Polson. Bobby Johnson finished on 134 to finish 3rd, beaten on a count back by Keith Allan. (I promise to explain the count back system one day. It’s somewhat complicated and changes every year.)

This left Bill O’Neill as the clear winner with a total of 131 and a second round net score of, ahem, 58. I’ve known Bill for years and a more honest man never walked the earth, but 58??? I have taken the unilateral decision to ding Bill three strokes per round next year instead of the usual two. This will, I’m sure, be a popular decision – not least with Bill himself. And what did the man have to say about his victory?

“Well, someone has to win the effing thing. I guess this year it was my turn.”

Well said, Bill, well said.

The 2019 contenders wait anxiously for the prize giving. Some think Bobby J’s troll wine bottle holder was the best while others looked enviously at Dave B-J’s zombie cookie jar. Happy with their snip winnings were Ed Hayes, Murray Polson and, yes, the inevitable Bill O’Neill…

All da best (and looking forward to next year, the 21st edition of the RWB).

Dave B.

(The answer to the question “Who paid the Bill?” is, of course, “all of us”.)

Big Ed! (R+W 2017)

 

Mr. Ed Hayes, ladies and gentlemen. The very worthy winner of R+W 2017

The 17th edition of the prestigious Red, White and Blue tournament took place this past weekend, and with it came a number of firsts: last year play was washed out on the Saturday, so we played 18 holes from the blue tees on Sunday morning and then 18 more from the red tees in the afternoon and thus RWB became R+B 2016. This year the weather was lovely on Saturday but Sunday – as promised – dawned wet and windy. A unanimous pre-round decision was made on the putting green: no 36 holes this year – just a quick 18 from the reds and hope we missed the worst of the weather. So R+W 2017 it was. Perhaps defending champion Joe Dunham summed up the general consensus: “Listen, Brooker – I’m too old for this sh!t.” He’s always had a way with words has Joe…

Three groups of three set off down the first fairway, and the first group (best described as ‘the No Hopers’ after their pitiful efforts on Saturday) were also the first to set a record: the fastest round ever played in the history of the tournament. Just 2 hours and 25 minutes after teeing off (and 2 hours and 23 minutes of pouring rain), Chuck Kennedy, Rod Gray and Rudge Wilson were back in the social centre with a variety of beverages in front of them. Their scores? Irrelevant. Their pace of play? Magnificent.

Group 2 (‘The Stragglers’), consisting of Joe Dunham, Dave Buckley-Jones and Yours Truly, failed to break any records but at least were still on speaking terms as they walked off the 18th green. Yours Truly had put a ball in the pond and racked up a triple bogey, Smokin’ Joe had just had a miraculous chip-in birdie and Mr Buckley-Jones had failed to notice either occurrence. Like the others Dave was very, very wet and just wanted to get inside, where he enjoyed being ‘leader in the clubhouse’ – for about 20 minutes.

The final group, the three players who were in  serious contention after their fine rounds on Saturday, took a bit more time about their golf. They consisted, said one of their number, of ‘two sandbaggers and an idiot’. The players concerned were low handicapper Bill Village and somewhat higher handicappers (and first time RWBers) Phil Ball and Ed Hayes. Obviously it would be unfair to identify the idiot, but let’s just say that it wasn’t Phil or Ed. Of the three, Bill hit lots of fairways and greens, Phil missed nearly all the fairways but hit all the greens (eventually) and Ed? Well, Ed had a splendid round and shot a 95. That’s 95 gross which comes to er, 59 net, which is a record for the RWB, as is his 12 shot winning margin. Blimey!

It was a pleasure to watch everyone at the prize table, as we all picked our well-wrapped prizes – in reverse order of finishing, of course – and laughed gleefully at what we’d chosen. I think Bill Village won the jackpot, though – a sort of troll thingy, designed to hold a bottle of wine to its mouth with a big, hairy claw. Just the sort of thing to grace Bill’s new gaff on Crown Isle. As Bill said afterwards – we can expect to see it again on the prize table next year, really well wrapped.

As for this year’s winner, Ed took the prize giving ceremony with good grace, even when he realised that the $9 prize money would not cover the cost of engraving and that he was honour-bound to keep the Big Club on display at home (for at least a day). After that? Well, past winners tell us that sheds, crawl spaces and garages appear to be the location of choice for the magnificent trophy

Many congrats Big Ed, and thanks to all for taking part. It’ll be a new, no 36 hole, Joe Dunham-inspired format next year. See you all then!

All da best.

Dave B.